What you have to remember is that most of what we communicate doesn’t come out of our mouth. 97% is non-verbal communication, leaving a measly 7% for our patter.
With this in mind how come we get so hung up on what to say?
I always feel disappointed when I hear the “my friend fancies you”. Straight away I make these assumptions about this ‘friend’ bearing in mind the fact the guy who likes me hasn’t said one word to me…
I think, ‘he’s got no balls, he’s not a leader, he’s not assertive, he lacks confidence, he’s a coward, he’s immature.’
Yes, all that really! And I haven’t even spoken to the guy. Sending a friend over is the kind of thing I expect boys to do at school, not grown men.
So what should he have done?
I was sitting with my friends, some of whom were with their male partners, one of whom potentially could have been my partner as all the women were sitting facing the bar and all the men were facing the footy on the tv screen, so no one was sitting with their partner.
A good ‘opener’ which would have got my interest would be him coming up confidently and saying, “are one of you lucky guys the boyfriend of this beautiful lady?” If one of them was my partner, then he could say, “you’re a very lucky man, have a great evening guys.” And leave it at that.
I’d have been super flattered and would certainly remember him if I ever bumped into him and had spilt up from my partner. As it stood I was the only single in the group, so all the guys would have said that they weren’t with me, so his next line could have been, “well I just wanted to say I think you look absolutely stunning and I’d love to buy you a drink, I’ll be round the other side of the bar with my friends if you’d like to come and join us.” And not waiting for an answer he should have gone back to his mates.
So what would I have thought then with those 2 sentences?
This guys got confidence, balls, he’s assertive, he’s a man, he’s brave and charming. All that from someone saying 2 sentences!
What I am not saying is that you will get a result from this every time, but what I am saying is that you will leave a positive impression every time you do this, and sometimes you will get women going to you to have a drink with you, because they’re intrigued and you’ve not put them under pressure.
What you must not do when you go back to your friends is stare at her waiting for her to come over. Just carry on with ‘boy talk’, occasionally glancing over and smiling warmly. If she doesn’t come over when you leave go past her and say goodbye, and say you hope she enjoys her evening.
The thing you should absolutely never do is assume you can sit and join a group of friends. Never sit down unless you’re invited to do so.
So that’s my dating tip for the day…. More advice / tips coming soon about talking to women.