In light of the new drama Wanderlust I was asked by Bella magazine my thoughts as to whether good sex is vital for a good marriage. Here are my thoughts…
Intimacy is a basic human need for most people. When you commit to marriage then you’re committing to love and cherish that person. With out Sex and intimacy you’re just friends. Whilst that may work for some people later in life, earlier if there is a lack of intimacy then there’s usually just one person who doesn’t want sex, leaving the other person feeling rejected, undesirable and frustrated.
This is when there is a high chance of infidelity. Especially women, can be guilty of using sex as a weapon, and withholding intimacy. This isn’t the way to solve problems in a marriage. Intimacy and sex are essential for well being, and keeping the connection in marriage. Very often the niggles and frustrations in marriages could be solved with just having sex. Whilst this is not the answer to deeper problems, it can help with the day to day challenges of life work and family stresses. Being too tired or having a headache are the most common excuses for avoiding sex, however you can have lazy spooning sex, and orgasm cures headaches so really there’s no excuse.
Whilst sex drives can fluctuate due to a variety of reasons there needs to be a compromise, not just a withdrawal from intimacy altogether which with many of my clients, I find is what often happens. Kissing, hugging, physical contact should always be present even if full sex isn’t an option. There is so much you can do without having penetrative sex. However it’s both parties responsibility in a marriage to keep the intimacy alive, throughout the changes in drives.
A lack of sex in a marriage is not a time to be complacent or ‘relieved’ it’s a time to be concerned. The chances are either one or both people will cheat and/or be deeply unhappy. When you commit to marriage you are committing to respect and honour your partner for life, and intimacy is a part of that, otherwise what’s the point?