I hear this dilemma from so many guys in my coaching, so I’m going to endeavor to give you some tips here.
To avoid getting into the ‘friend trap’ down the line you must when you meet a woman (whether she has a partner or not) express your interest in her initially and keep reminding her every now and then, in a non-intrusive, non-expectant way. This can be done using mild flirtation and genuine compliments.
For example the first time you meet her you say something like “wow you look gorgeous. Who’s the lucky man who’s dating you?” You don’t want to put any pressure on a lady, but the point is she needs to know you see her in a sexual way from the start, or at least early on when you are getting to know her.
If she’s with her man/husband, you can tell him how lucky he is to have gorgeous lady!
For example if she has a boyfriend partner, and you’re friends, and she’s asking you what you think of her outfit you can say “you look stunning! If it wasn’t for *John* I’d be whisking you out on a date myself!”
You mustn’t be sleazy with it; just open and honest. She needs to feel safe and secure that you aren’t going to try it on with her if she is seeing you as a friend.
Now down the line when John and she are no more, she already knows you are interested, and she’ll respect you for not putting any pressure on her, and if she fancies you too, you should be next in line! 🙂
If she’s single the same applies. Women can change their mind, even when they don’t initially fancy you.
My last boyfriend I told from the start that I did not fancy him, and was not interested in him any way sexually. We were friends for 6 months, and by that time I fancied the pants off him! We dated for 3 years. I’m not saying that this always happens, but it can.
Be warned though the more time you spend with each other the more difficult it is not to get too attached. You need to keep yourself in check and make sure that you don’t spend too much time with her that you fall for her big time, if you are worried about unrequited feelings.
However, you should never be friends with a woman if you are going to have any expectations of her other than friendship, because it will cause resentment and jealousy. You have to genuinely enjoy spending time with her and be accepting of her as a friend, but not forgetting to let her know periodically that you are physically attracted to her.
Women can feel cheated when they find out a male friend fancies them. Usually it’s because these guys haven’t made their sexual interest known from the start. Being there for her and supportive of her is what her female friends do, so this will not make your intentions clear. So whilst you might think she knows how you feel, she won’t because she thinks you are just being a ‘good friend’.
We as women offer a lot of support to each other, but ultimately we all like to feel protected by a man, so when we find a man that says he is a friend and offers that protection and care then we lap it up! It makes us feel safe and comfortable, hence why we can feel cheated if we suddenly find out that our male ‘friend’ has had other intentions all along.
Your intentions must be clear that although you value her as a friend, genuinely enjoy and cherish her company, you are also are physically attracted to her. This way she’s got the heads up from the start.
She’ll feel like she’s been led into a false sense of security if you are there and supportive of her and then spring it on her that you want to get in her knickers!
If you have known each other a while, and you haven’t expressed interest, it’s a little more difficult. I’d urge you to tread carefully if you don’t want to lose her as a friend. You could get one of your mates to say I your company “I think you two make a really nice couple” and see if she responds with horror, embarrassment (which could indicate potential interest), or if she’s coy or amused. Either way he can call her up on it next time when you’re not around, and see her reaction. It has to be in a fun light-hearted way rather than serious.
Some women are naïve to think that guys that are ‘friends’ are safe because there’s no attraction. Usually men and women are friends because either one or both fancy each other. And that’s ok, but just be aware of the dynamics of the friendship, and how you are feeling towards her. If you start feeling resentment you need to back off, or you will lose her as a friend for good.
Great video here showing how female ‘friends’ can be beneficial…